ESTABLISHING PARENTAL CONTROL IN THE HOME

Pastor Reb Bradley (version 6/98)

I. THE MOST BASIC OBJECTIVE OF PARENTING

The __________ of our children's self will. Teaching them to _____________________ themselves.

Prov 22:15 Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him

Folly 'ivveleth -- perversity which spawns deviousness, defiance, and rebellion.

Prov 1:7; 7:22; 10:8; 10:10, 14; 11:29; 12:15-16; 14:3, 9; 15:5; 16:22; 17:28; 20:3; 24:7; 27:3, 22; 29:9

Foolish keciyl – literally: to be fat, ie: to be bloated or full of self

Prov 1:22, 32; 3:35; 8:5; 10:1, 18, 23; 12:23; 13:16, 19; 14:7-8, 16, 24, 33; 15:2,7,14,20; 17:10, 12, 16, 21, 24; 18:2, 6-7; 19:1, 10, 13, 29; 21:20; 23:9; 26:1, 3-12; 29:11, 20

II. THE IMPORTANCE OF CONTROL IN TRAINING

A. God holds parents responsible to _________________ their children. (1 Tim 3:4-5; 1 Sam 3:13)

B. Parent-established _____________ controls gives children ________________ controls.

C. Submission to parental authority prepares them to ______________________

D. Firm controls give ______________________ to children. (Deut 5:16; Prov 3:2)

E. Control earns a parent the ____________________ necessary for all education and training.

III. IS YOURS A "CHILD-RUN" HOME?

3 ?

IV. WHAT IS A PARENT-CONTROLLED HOME?

________________was the best example of a child under parental control.

________________obedience

John 14:31 but the world must learn that I love the Father and that I do exactly what my Father has commanded me …

Will _______________

John 12:50 I know that his command leads to eternal life. So whatever I say is just what the Father has told me to say."

Looking to parents for ______________________

Luke 22:42 "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done."

John 8:28 So Jesus said, "When you have lifted up the Son of Man, then you will know that I am the one I claim to be and that I do nothing on my own but speak just what the Father has taught me.

V. THREE OBSTACLES TO ESTABLISHING PARENTAL CONTROL

A. __________________________(1 John 1:8; 1 Cor 3:18; James 1:22,26)

1 John 1:8 If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.

1 Cor 3:18 Do not deceive yourselves. If any one of you thinks he is wise by the standards of this age, he should become a "fool" so that he may become wise.

James 1:22 Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.

James 1:26 If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless.

B. Trust in ______________________ (Psa 1:1; 1 Cor 1:20; 3:19-20; Rom 1:22)

Psa 1:1 Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful.

1 Cor 1:20 Where is the wise man? Where is the scholar? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world?

1 Cor 3:19 For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God's sight. As it is written: "He catches the wise in their craftiness"; 20 and again, "The Lord knows that the thoughts of the wise are futile."

C. Need for children's __________________ and living for their _____________________

(Prov 29:25; Mat 10:28; Heb 2:10; Acts 14:22; Jam 1:2-4)

Prov 29:25 Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe.

Mat 10:28 Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell.

Heb 2:10 In bringing many sons to glory, it was fitting that God, for whom and through whom everything exists, should make the author of their salvation mature through suffering.

Acts 14:22 strengthening the disciples and encouraging them to remain true to the faith. "We must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God," they said.

VI. HOW PARENTS ACCIDENTALLY STRENGTHEN CHILDREN'S WILLS AND GIVE THEM CONTROL OF THE HOME

A. Remove life's _____________ & exempt them from ____________________________

B. Feed their _____________________________________

C. Allow them to influence _____________________________-- when young

D. Allow them to make too many ___________________________ too young

VII. EXAMPLES OF INCORRECT EFFORTS TO CONTROL

A. _____________________instructions or making __________________

B. __________________ for obedience

C. ____________________________________________

VIII. UNDERSTANDING PRINCIPLES OF BIBLICAL DISCIPLINE

A. Penalties were proportionate to the crimes

Ex 21:23 But if there is serious injury, you are to take life for life, 24 eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot. (Lev 24:17-20; Deut 19:21)

B. Num 35:11-28 Under Israelite Law -- two types of crimes: accidental and intentional.

1. Accidental misbehavior -- THOUGHTLESS or IRRESPONSIBLE DISOBEDIENCE

2. Intentional misbehavior -- REBELLION or WILLFUL DEFIANCE of authority

C. In parenting: Consequence for accidental misbehavior = RELATED PUNISHMENT

D. In parenting: Consequence for intentional misbehavior = CHASTISEMENT

chastisement:

yacar yaw-sar'; literally -- to discipline or punish with blows, to spank; figuratively -- to chasten or direct with words

muwcar, moo-sawr'; to submit to discipline by means of reproof, admonishment, warning, instruction, or spanking

Pr 23:13 Do not withhold chastisement from a child; if you smite him with the rod, he will not die. 14 Smite him with the rod and save his soul

Pr 22:15 Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of chastisement will drive it far from him.

Pr 29:15 The rod of chastisement imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother.

Pr 13:24 He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to chasten him.

Pr 19:18 Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying. (KJV) Heb 12:6-8; Rev 3:19

Hebrews 12:11No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

Chastisement is a calm, controlled spanking on the bottom.

Abuse is an angry, out-of-control beating, which may fall on the bottom or anywhere on the body. Such abusive chastisement may correct the misbehavior, but that child is not truly humbled – just terrorized into submission.

Chastisement is a planned action of love.

Abuse is a reaction of anger. It is the venting of parental frustration, and feeds violence in children, causing them to vent their anger violently on others. (Young ones raised with loving chastisement are typically the least violent among children, because they are self restrained, are not ruled by their anger, and have been trained to behave kindly toward all.)

IX. WHAT ARE THE GOALS OF CHASTISEMENT?

A. To cause children to be ___________________ before their parents' authority.

B. To cause them to ___________________ for what they have done.

C. To cause them to __________________ of their actions.

X. EFFECTIVE TRAINING

A. _____________THEM! (Rom 2:4; 1 John 4:19)

1. Do you put an ___________________ at the end of their name?

2. Discipline yourself to ____________ at them.

B. KEEP IN MIND YOUR GOAL -- _______________of their will to ________________

Remember that by nature they will see themselves as the _____________of the _____________

Prepare them for a real life by teaching them to ________________________now

Do not aim for their _______________or their __________________

Do not allow their __________________to direct your leadership

Guard against satisfying their ___________________

C. SET STANDARDS AND _________________________________TO YOUR CHILDREN

D. REQUIRE __________________________________________

E. GIVE NO _________________FOR OBEDIENCE UNTIL A CHILD HAS DEMONSTRATED HE
CAN ___________________________________THEM

Wisdom and values are learned by hearing the wisdom behind parental commands
Remember: Offering a brief nugget of wisdom does not mean allowing debate
Sassy, out-of-control older children can be redeemed by a 6-week "boot-camp" in which no dialogue or appeals for dialogue are tolerated.

F. REQUIRE _______________________________

Deut 5:16

G. PICK YOUR ________________________________

1. Do not ____________________________"on the run"

2. ____________or ____________________training sessions

H. MODEL A GENUINE _______________________________________________

XI. INSTITUTING CHANGE

_________________________________________