ESTABLISHING CONTROL IN THE HOME

 

 

 

http://www.familyministries.com/downloads/EPC.mp3

 

 

ESTABLISHING CONTROL IN THE HOME

  (version 2008)

 

I. THE MOST BASIC OBJECTIVE OF PARENTING

 

The subduing of our children's self will.  Teaching them to say "NO" to themselves.

 

Prov 22:15  Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him

Folly  'ivveleth -- perversity which spawns deviousness, defiance, and rebellion.

Prov 1:7; 7:22; 10:8; 10:10, 14; 11:29; 12:15-16; 14:3, 9; 15:5; 16:22; 17:28; 20:3; 24:7; 27:3, 22; 29:9 

 

Foolish  keciyl literally: to be fat, ie: to be bloated or full of self

Prov 1:22, 32; 3:35; 8:5; 10:1, 18, 23; 12:23; 13:16, 19; 14:7-8, 16, 24, 33; 15:2,7,14,20; 17:10, 12, 16, 21, 24; 18:2, 6-7; 19:1, 10, 13, 29; 21:20; 23:9; 26:1, 3-12; 29:11, 20 

 

 

II. THE IMPORTANCE OF CONTROL IN TRAINING    SCARY WORD

 

A. Parent-established Outer controls gives children inner controls.

 

B. Submission to parental authority prepares them to SUBMIT TO GOD.

 

C. Firm controls give SECURITY to children.   (Deut 5:16; Prov 3:2) PLAYGROUND // SHOULDERS

 

D. Control earns a parent the  RESPECT  necessary for all education and training.

 

 

III. IS YOURS A "CHILD-RUN" HOME?  Page 34

 

3?

 

3?

 

3?                                                                                      Oreo lady

 

IV. WHAT IS A PARENT-CONTROLLED HOME?

 

Christ was the best example of a child under parental control.

 

   QUICK obedience

John 14:31  but the world must learn that I love the Father and that I do exactly what my Father has commanded me

 

 

   Will SUBDUED

John 12:50  I know that his command leads to eternal life. So whatever I say is just what the Father has told me to say."

 

   Looking to parents for LEADERSHIP

Luke 22:42  "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done."

 

John 8:28  So Jesus said, "When you have lifted up the Son of Man, then you will know that I am the one I claim to be and that I do nothing on my own but speak just what the Father has taught me.

 


V. ONE MAJOR OBSTACLE TO ESTABLISHING PARENTAL CONTROL

 

 


 

Need for children's APPROVAL and living for their HAPPINESS

       (Prov 29:25; Mat 10:28; Heb 2:10; Acts 14:22; Jam 1:2-4)

 

FEARING TO MAKE THEM SUFFER

              

Prov 29:25  Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe.

 

Mat 10:28  Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell.

 

Heb 2:10  In bringing many sons to glory, it was fitting that God, for whom and through whom everything exists, should make the author of their salvation mature through suffering.

 

Acts 14:22  strengthening the disciples and encouraging them to remain true to the faith. "We must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God," they said.

 

 

VI. EXAMPLES OF INCORRECT EFFORTS TO CONTROL    

 

A. REPEATING instructions or making THREATS   page 53

 

 

B. BRIBING for obedience   page 57

 

 

 

 

 

 

VII. UNDERSTANDING PRINCIPLES OF BIBLICAL DISCIPLINE

 

 

A. Penalties were proportionate to the crimes

 

Ex 21:23  But if there is serious injury, you are to take life for life, 24 eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot. (Lev 24:17-20; Deut 19:21)

 

B. Num 35:11-28  Under Israelite Law -- two types of crimes: accidental and intentional.

 

1. Accidental misbehavior -- Thoughtless or irresponsible disobedience

 

 

2. Intentional misbehavior -- Rebellion or willful defiance of authority

 

 

 

C. In parenting: Consequence for accidental misbehavior = RELATED PUNISHMENT

      


 

D. In parenting: Consequence for intentional misbehavior = CHASTISEMENT

 

chastisement:

yacar yaw-sar'; literally -- to discipline or punish with blows, to spank; figuratively -- to chasten or direct with words

 

muwcar, moo-sawr'; to submit to discipline by means of reproof, admonishment, warning, instruction, or spanking

 

Pr 23:13  Do not withhold chastisement from a child; if you smite him with the rod, he will not die. 14  Smite him with the rod and save his soul

 

Pr 22:15  Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of chastisement will drive it far from him.

 

Pr 29:15  The rod of chastisement imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother.

 

Pr 13:24  He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to chasten him.

 

Pr 19:18  Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying. (KJV)

 

Hebrews 12:6 For whom the Lord loves He chastens, and scourges every son whom He receives.

 

Hebrews 12:11 No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.  

 

 

      Chastisement is a calm, controlled spanking on the bottom.

      Abuse is an angry, out-of-control beating, which may fall on the bottom or anywhere on the body. Such abusive chastisement may correct the misbehavior, but that child is not truly humbled just terrorized into submission.

      Chastisement is a planned action of love.

      Abuse is a reaction of anger. It is the venting of parental frustration, and feeds violence in children, causing them to vent their anger violently on others. (Young ones raised with loving chastisement are typically the least violent among children, because they are self restrained, are not ruled by their anger, and have been trained to behave kindly toward all.)

 

 

VIII. WHAT ARE THE GOALS OF CHASTISEMENT?

 

 

A. To cause children to be humble before their parents' authority.

 

 

 

 

 

B. To cause them to take responsibility for what they have done.

 

 

 

 

 

C. To cause them to submit to the consequences of their actions.

 

 

 

IX. EFFECTIVE TRAINING 

 

A. LOVE THEM!   (Rom 2:4; 1 John 4:19)

 

More in the session: WIW

      

 


 

B. KEEP IN MIND YOUR GOAL -- SUBJECTION of their will to YOURS

 

Remember that by nature they will see themselves as the center of the universe

 

Prepare them for a real life by teaching them to endure trials now

 

Do not aim for their affection or their approval

 

Do not allow their unhappiness to direct your leadership

 

Guard against satisfying their every whim

 

C. Set standards and COMMUNICATE THEM CLEARLY to your children

 

 

D. Require FIRST-TIME OBEDIENCE      Shannon  // most beautiful

 

> Have them affirm that they understand and will obey you by answering Yes, Dad... Mom, etc.

 

E. Give no REASONS for obedience until a child has demonstrated he

    can CONSISTENTLY OBEY WITHOUT them 

 

      Wisdom and values are learned by hearing the wisdom behind parental commands

 

      Remember: Offering a brief nugget of wisdom does not mean allowing debate

 

      Sassy, out-of-control older children can be redeemed by a 6-week "boot-camp" in which no dialogue or appeals for dialogue are tolerated.

 

1. Purpose is to establish parental authority and help kids gain control over their tongue

 

2. During this time no dialogue or appeals for dialogue are tolerated.

 

3. No wisdom for instructions is offered.

 

4. For every occurrence of sass, add one week.

 

5. After they increase the length to 10 weeks, start adding one day per offense.

 

6. At conclusion, begin new policy requiring them to request permission to dialogue.

 

F. Require RESPECTFUL BEHAVIOR

       Deut 5:16

 

G. Pick your BATTLEFIELDS

 

1. Do not discipline "on the run"

 

2. Plan or schedule training sessions       Mike at 14 mos

 

 

X. INSTITUTING CHANGE

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