ESTABLISHING CONTROL IN THE HOME
ESTABLISHING CONTROL IN THE HOME
I. THE MOST BASIC OBJECTIVE OF PARENTING
The subduing of our children's self will. Teaching them to say "NO" to themselves.
Prov 22:15 Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him
Folly 'ivveleth -- perversity which spawns deviousness, defiance, and rebellion.
Prov 1:7; 7:22; 10:8; 10:10, 14; 11:29; 12:15-16; 14:3, 9; 15:5; 16:22; 17:28; 20:3; 24:7; 27:3, 22; 29:9
Foolish keciyl – literally: to be fat, ie: to be bloated or full of self
Prov 1:22, 32; 3:35; 8:5; 10:1, 18, 23; 12:23; 13:16, 19; 14:7-8, 16, 24, 33; 15:2,7,14,20; 17:10, 12, 16, 21, 24; 18:2, 6-7; 19:1, 10, 13, 29; 21:20; 23:9; 26:1, 3-12; 29:11, 20
II. THE IMPORTANCE OF CONTROL IN TRAINING SCARY WORD
A. Parent-established Outer controls gives children inner controls.
B. Submission to parental authority prepares them to SUBMIT TO GOD.
C. Firm controls give SECURITY to children. (Deut 5:16; Prov 3:2) PLAYGROUND // SHOULDERS
D. Control earns a parent the RESPECT necessary for all education and training.
III. IS YOURS A "CHILD-RUN" HOME? Page 34
3? Oreo lady
IV. WHAT IS A PARENT-CONTROLLED HOME?
Christ was the best example of a child under parental control.
· QUICK obedience
John 14:31 but the world must learn that I love the Father and that I do exactly what my Father has commanded me …
· Will SUBDUED
John 12:50 I know that his command leads to eternal life. So whatever I say is just what the Father has told me to say."
· Looking to parents for LEADERSHIP
Luke 22:42 "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done."
John 8:28 So Jesus said, "When you have lifted up the Son of Man, then you will know that I am the one I claim to be and that I do nothing on my own but speak just what the Father has taught me.
Need for children's APPROVAL and living for their HAPPINESS
(Prov 29:25; Mat 10:28; Heb 2:10; Acts 14:22; Jam 1:2-4)
FEARING TO MAKE THEM SUFFER
Prov 29:25 Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe.
Mat 10:28 Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell.
Heb 2:10 In bringing many sons to glory, it was fitting that God, for whom and through whom everything exists, should make the author of their salvation mature through suffering.
Acts 14:22 strengthening the disciples and encouraging them to remain true to the faith. "We must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God," they said.
VI. EXAMPLES OF INCORRECT EFFORTS TO CONTROL
A. REPEATING instructions or making THREATS page 53
B. BRIBING for obedience page 57
VII. UNDERSTANDING PRINCIPLES OF BIBLICAL DISCIPLINE
A. Penalties were proportionate to the crimes
Ex 21:23 But if there is serious injury, you are to take life for life, 24 eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot. (Lev 24:17-20; Deut 19:21)
B. Num 35:11-28 Under Israelite Law -- two types of crimes: accidental and intentional.
1. Accidental misbehavior -- Thoughtless or irresponsible disobedience
2. Intentional misbehavior -- Rebellion or willful defiance of authority
C. In parenting: Consequence for accidental misbehavior = RELATED PUNISHMENT
D. In parenting: Consequence for intentional misbehavior = CHASTISEMENT
yacar yaw-sar'; literally -- to discipline or punish with blows, to spank; figuratively -- to chasten or direct with words
muwcar, moo-sawr'; to submit to discipline by means of reproof, admonishment, warning, instruction, or spanking
Pr 23:13 Do not withhold chastisement from a child; if you smite him with the rod, he will not die. 14 Smite him with the rod and save his soul
Pr 22:15 Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of chastisement will drive it far from him.
Pr 29:15 The rod of chastisement imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother.
Pr 13:24 He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to chasten him.
Pr 19:18 Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying. (KJV)
Hebrews 12:6 For whom the Lord loves He chastens, and scourges every son whom He receives.
Hebrews 12:11 No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
· Chastisement is a calm, controlled spanking on the bottom.
· Abuse is an angry, out-of-control beating, which may fall on the bottom or anywhere on the body. Such abusive chastisement may correct the misbehavior, but that child is not truly humbled – just terrorized into submission.
· Chastisement is a planned action of love.
· Abuse is a reaction of anger. It is the venting of parental frustration, and feeds violence in children, causing them to vent their anger violently on others. (Young ones raised with loving chastisement are typically the least violent among children, because they are self restrained, are not ruled by their anger, and have been trained to behave kindly toward all.)
VIII. WHAT ARE THE GOALS OF CHASTISEMENT?
A. To cause children to be humble before their parents' authority.
B. To cause them to take responsibility for what they have done.
C. To cause them to submit to the consequences of their actions.
IX. EFFECTIVE TRAINING
A. LOVE THEM! (Rom 2:4; 1 John 4:19)
More in the session: WIW
B. KEEP IN MIND YOUR GOAL -- SUBJECTION of their will to YOURS
· Remember that by nature they will see themselves as the center of the universe
· Prepare them for a real life by teaching them to endure trials now
· Do not aim for their affection or their approval
· Do not allow their unhappiness to direct your leadership
· Guard against satisfying their every whim
C. Set standards and COMMUNICATE THEM CLEARLY to your children
D. Require FIRST-TIME OBEDIENCE Shannon // most beautiful
> Have them affirm that they understand and will obey you by answering “Yes, Dad... Mom,” etc.
E. Give no REASONS for obedience until a child has demonstrated he
can CONSISTENTLY OBEY WITHOUT them
· Wisdom and values are learned by hearing the wisdom behind parental commands
· Remember: Offering a brief nugget of wisdom does not mean allowing debate
· Sassy, out-of-control older children can be redeemed by a 6-week "boot-camp" in which no dialogue or appeals for dialogue are tolerated.
1. Purpose is to establish parental authority and help kids gain control over their tongue
2. During this time no dialogue or appeals for dialogue are tolerated.
3. No wisdom for instructions is offered.
4. For every occurrence of sass, add one week.
5. After they increase the length to 10 weeks, start adding one day per offense.
6. At conclusion, begin new policy requiring them to request permission to dialogue.
F. Require RESPECTFUL BEHAVIOR
G. Pick your BATTLEFIELDS
1. Do not discipline "on the run"
2. Plan or schedule training sessions Mike at 14 mos
X. INSTITUTING CHANGE
CALL A MEETING