Giving
Your Children a Vision for Pure Relationships
Pastor Reb Bradley
I. WHAT CONDITIONS WITHIN THE CHURCH SHOULD MOTIVATE PARENTS TO GIVE THEIR CHILDREN A VISION FOR PURE RELATIONSHIPS?
A. Rampant_______________
B. _______________________marriages
C. Spiritual _________________________
II. The origin of recreational dating
A. Dating is an ______________of unbelievers in the ____________century.
B. Christians _____________dating from the world and __________ biblical and historical customs
III. What are the differences between modern dating customs and the biblical model for romance?
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THE BIBLICAL MODEL |
THE MODERN DATING MODEL |
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Marriage was God’s chosen relationship for the expression of romantic or sexual desires. 1 Cor 7:9 … it is better to marry than to burn with passion. |
Dating and "going together" are the modern solutions to emotional and physical desires of those unable or unwilling to marry. |
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To gain the privilege of touching one another, a couple had to enter a covenant by swearing vows of lasting faithfulness and commitment. Mal 2:14; Prov 2:17; Num 30:2; Deut 23:21, 23 |
To gain sensual touching privileges, a couple must like each other or have some use for each other. No covenant is entered – no permanent commitment is required. Private, intimate parts of oneself are shared with as many as one desires. |
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After entering a binding covenant, God declared two separate people to be one flesh, which meant they gained rights to one another’s bodies. Mat 19:6 So they are no longer two, but
one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." 1 Cor 7:4 The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. |
In the world’s dating model a couple has not bound themselves in a covenant and therefore has not been declared by God to be one flesh, yet they grant rights to physical intimacy to whomever they choose.
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When a man was prepared to support a wife, he then began to seek a relationship. Courtship is the word describing the exploration and cultivation of a relationship for marriage. It is a means to an end. Parents were involved in arranging or overseeing it. Gen 28:2; 29:14-18,26; 34:8; 34:16-18; 41:45; Deu 5:16; 1 Cor 7:36-38 (KJV); Ex 2:21; 22:16; 28:32; Josh 15:16-17; Judg 1:12-13; 12:9; 21:1,7,18, 22; 1 Sam 17:25; 18:17,19,27; 25:44; 2 Ki 14:9; 1 Chr 2:35; 2 Chr 25:18; Dan 11:17; Matt 22:30; Mark 12:25; Luke 20:34-35 |
Years before young people are prepared to marry, or ready to settle down and commit to family life, they engage in dating for the purpose of personal gratification. It is an end in itself -- it is, effectively, a substitute for marriage. It offers most of the benefits of marriage, but without the commitment. |
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When a couple knew they trusted one another enough to make the commitment of marriage, they entered their covenant by having a betrothal (engagement) ceremony, at which time they spoke their vows, but gained no rights yet to touch or live together. 1 Cor 7:1 … It is good for a man not to
touch a woman. [… not to marry] (Jud 14:2, 10; 1 Sam 18:21) |
After a couple shares physical and emotional intimacies through dating, and find themselves significantly emotionally bonded, and they come to believe they will be sufficiently gratified by each other the rest of their lives, they decide they are ready to marry. They then enter a temporary, probationary period before marriage called "engagement." |
IV. What are the privileges offered by the two models of romance?
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The Biblical Model |
The Worldly Model |
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Age to begin: When ready to marry Casual acquaintances Privileges: u none Courtship Privileges: u chaperoned time together u no touching Engagement (Betrothal) Privileges: u guaranteed spouse u no touching Marriage Privileges: u cohabitation u 1 on 1 alone-time u sexual rights, ie; back rubs, mistletoe kisses, slow dance full-body hugs, viewing of attractive aspects of body, and sexual intercourse u cultivation of emotional intimacy u guaranteed companionship u emotional security u having children u development of social skills Requirements for gaining the privileges offered in
the Biblical Model for romantic relationships: u couple must enter a marriage covenant which that the couple speak vows and oaths in front of witnesses, swearing faithfulness and unyielding commitment to their permanent partnership, thereby establishing formal, God-sanctioned boundaries to the relationship u couple must be united by God as One flesh |
Age to begin: Any age Casual acquaintances Privileges: u back rubs, mistletoe kisses u slow dance full-body hugs u view attractive aspects of body Dating Privileges: ie; back rubs, mistletoe kisses, slow dance full-body hugs, viewing of attractive aspects of body, and sexual intercourse u 1 on 1 alone-time u cultivation of emotional intimacy u development of social skills Going Steady Privileges: u greater sexual contact, possibly petting and fornication u guaranteed companionship u emotional security u occasional cohabitation u partial cohabitation, Engagement Privileges: u increased sexual contact & cohabitation Marriage Privileges: u complete cohabitation u complete sexual privilege u having children Requirements
for gaining the privileges offered in the Worldly Model for romantic
relationships: u couple
must like each other, or . . . u couple must have use for each other
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V. WHAT ARE THE EFFECTS OF THE 2 SYSTEMS?
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Effects of the
Worldly System |
Effects of God's Plan |
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A. creates a permanent bond 1. scars, calluses, & wounds_______ 2. emotional________ with others remain 3. develop ________of commitment 4. ____________is shared with many, leaving _________for future mate
B. develops wrong concepts of _______ C. teaches _____________________ D. develops ________ for variety & change E. creates a standard of ______________ F. causes ____________ marriages G. promotes _________________________ H. ________________the conscience I. marriage is _________________ J. fellowship is ___________________ |
A. PROTECTS FROM HEARTACHE & RESULTING PROBLEMS
B. KEEPS THE MIND CLEAR C. PREVENTS HABITS OF SEPARATION D. CONTENT WITH ONLY 1 PERSON E. CONTENT WITH ONE'S SPOUSE F. MARRY EARLIER G. PRESERVES PURITY H. KEEPS CONSCIENCE CLEAR I. MARRIAGE IS MORE HIGHLY ESTEEMED J. FELLOWSHIP IS PRESERVED |
VI. HOW CAN WE PREPARE OUR CHILDREN TO WALK IN PURITY?
A. _______the vision thoroughly yourself. You cannot ________what you do not _________
B. From infancy, _____________________ as the only place for expression of _____________________
1. Teach them to be __________ by teaching them to guard
their __________ - Song of Sol 4:12
2. When they witness______________ outside marriage, ie: TV, immodest magazine covers, park benches -- expose it as action which ____________________________ and _____________God
3. 2 Cor. 7:1 Limit their ____________to that which _______________outside marriage, ie: TV, videos, fairytales, Barbie dolls, Christian romance novels, influential relationships, etc.
4. Rom 13:14; Mat 18:6 Limit their exposure to __________________
C. Deut 6:6-9 Use a time of _______________________to be certain they understand
D. Elevate to them their __________and emphasize keeping _________________as a gift for their mate
E. Raise your children to ______________the opposite sex
1. Raise your daughters to be _________and your sons to ________________________________
1 Tim 5:1-2 Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but
exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, 2
older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with
absolute purity.
2. Make their primary ________________________________members of their own sex
The biggest obstacle to courtship is "safe" __________________________________________
F. Dim the glamour of fornication by using ____________________________in reference to it
G. Avoid ___________– enjoying the ___________of those who are ________to gratify others sexually
porne, por'-nay; a strumpet; a harlot, whore, prostitute; one who sells themselves for the sexual pleasure of others
1. ____________others do things which should be ____________is being partners in their impurity
It is nothing more than ___________________
Eph 5:5 For of this you can be sure: No immoral,
impure … person … has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God … 7
Therefore do not be partners with them.
2. Finding _______________in the acts for which others will be ____________makes us partners
Eph 5:11 Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds
of darkness, but rather expose them.
Psa 101:3 I will set no wicked thing before mine
eyes: I hate the work of them that turn aside; it shall not cleave to me.
Job 31:1 "I made a covenant with my eyes not to
look lustfully at a girl.
3. Sets a _____________
4. ________________us in our parenting
H. Proverbs 1-31 Prepare them for coming
____________________
1. Porno, Mockery, Flirting, etc
2. Plan for them ___________________
I. Equip them to handle ____________________________ (Eccl 3:8; Song 2:7; 3:5)
1. Curb inappropriate _______________________ (2 Cor 10:5)
2. Guard against sending ______________________________
a. 1 Tim 2:9-10; Rom 14:13, 21 Explain the power of _______________________
b. 1 Tim 2:9; 1 Pet 3:3 Help them avoid __________________________________
J. Cultivate ________________with them – We do not receive from those we do not ______________